Teens and the Issue of Privacy

Yesterday I was reading an article from http://www.albertmohler.com/ (“The Teen Code – A Wake Up Call for Parents”). It is about a 17 year old young man named Rhett Godfrey who had written a book entitled, The Teen Code. In this book written for parents, Godfrey tries to give advice to parents in order to help them relate and communicate better with their teens. One of the issues that he tackled was the issue of privacy. Allow me to quote straight from the article:

In discussing teenagers and the issue of privacy, Rhett counsels parents to prove their trust by granting their teenage children a wide swath of privacy, even when they suspect wrongful or dangerous behavior. Privacy, he offers, "is a sacred thing to teenagers."

Rhett tells the story of "Jessica," a sixteen-year-old girl in Akron, Ohio. As Jessica relates, "My mom came to me one day with pictures of me and my friends drinking and smoking (and not just cigarettes). I got in sooo much trouble. But I also was so [outraged] that she went through my purse. She told me that she was looking for makeup and she just saw them. I know that is [nonsense]; why would she want any of my makeup? We have totally different tastes. I felt really betrayed, and we didn't talk for awhile."

Here we have a sixteen-year-old girl whose experiments in drinking and smoking marijuana have gotten her in trouble, though the consequences of that trouble, if any, are not provided. The main function of Jessica's story, however, is to warn parents against snooping.

This little segment really got me to thinking about the whole issue of teens and privacy. I agree whole-heartedly with Godfrey’s opinion that privacy is a “sacred thing to teenagers,” however my question is: should we be overly concerned about it; i.e. should our kids privacy be a high priority on our list as parents. Personally, I do not think so.

As parents who are under the authority of Almighty God, who have been given the command to raise our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord, and who will one day be held accountable for how we carried out that charge, the issue of privacy just doesn’t seem to be necessary, required, or all that beneficial. Now, please understand I am not talking about a teenager not being able to change his clothes or take a shower without someone watching. I’m talking about teenagers keeping much of their lives private and secretive from their parents, like who their friends are, what they’re doing, what music their listening to, who they’re emailing, so on and so forth. I simply do not believe that teenagers who are living under the protection, provision, and guidance of their parents have any inalienable rights to privacy. If walking through my teenager’s room every now and then, or checking their internet history, or even looking through closets when suspicions are aroused, helps me to keep my children safe and on the right path, then that is what I’m going to do… and as my Dad use to tell us, “If you don’t like, tough…this is my house.” The only complete and total privacy that I personally would respect would be a diary or journal, but everything else is fair game.

So, why is the issue of privacy so important to teens? In the above article, why was “Jessica” keeping the pictures of her and her friends secret? Because she was doing things she shouldn’t have been doing in the first place! There’s really only one of two reasons that I can think of why a young person would demand such privacy: 1) either their doing things that are wrong in the first place, or 2) they are just completely rebellious to the whole issue of parental authority, oversight, and discipline… and most of the time, its probably both. As I think about this, I’m reminded of something Jesus said in John 3, “For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.” Is this why most teens demand privacy, so they may carry on practicing evil without scrutiny or consequences? I’m also reminded, that God, as my heavenly Father, does not grant me privacy of any kind. Every thing I do, say, or even think in my heart is wide open for Him to see and know, and one day judge.

I sincerely believe that too many parents today are trying to be their kids’ friend, rather than being the authoritative, God-ordained parent that they have been called to be. And I believe we’re seeing the fruit of this wrongful thinking in our culture today. Parents, love your kids enough to be in their lives and to be fully aware of what and with whom they’re doing things, and love them enough to hold them accountable and discipline when necessary! “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.” (Proverbs 23:13-14)